I could be a political expert. I don’t know much about the candidates and their positions, therefore, I am supremely qualified. I come to this conclusion after watching way too much from the talking-heads channels this week. All you have to do to be a political expert is to make random guesses as to how a particular candidate will do, either in the polls or an election (a "caucus" will do). In the case of president W, just make guesses as to how his poll numbers will change following the state of the union speech or anything else he does.

Whatever you do, however, do not try to explain or compare the positions held by a candidate on any issue. Do not attempt to analyze their proposals and compare them to reality. Do not speak about how one candidate’s position on an issue compares to another candidate. None of that is important. Your job is to call the horse race, not look at the horses.

I’m ready. Where do I sign up and how much does it pay?